Dating tips i learned from being a waitress
She's going to notice ~*e Ve Ry Th In G*~ from how the service was to how much you tip because this is literally what she spends all day doing, but thankfully at another place because...6.She will never want to go into her restaurant when she's not working so never, ever suggest you go there.What was I going to do, upsell him a bottle of wine or crumb his bib between courses?But after four weeks of fathering I realize there was no need for concern, because as surprising as it sounds, the skills I gained from working in restaurants were the only ones I needed to successfully deal with an infant. It’s happened to us all: You have to go to the bathroom, but you’re weeded like Snoop Dogg at Reggae Fest with no one around to cover your section, so you seal up your bladder like a sous-vide bag and wait (sometimes an hour) before finally finding three minutes to sneak downstairs and drop your urine like one of those planes that fight wildfires. This ability comes in crazy handy when you have a baby. They suck more than if a black hole manifested in the Dyson testing facility.After all, he was just a weepy egocentric human who was demanding all my attention, and even on a slow Tuesday night you’ll see four of those… See, the first thing you learn as a parent is never wake the baby. Even if they’re lying on your chest and you just drank a gallon of tea you sit there as still as possible like the kid’s pinning you to the sofa like they’re fucking Mjolnir, because the hard truth is a quiet baby trumps dry pants every time. I’ve never wet myself to keep my baby quiet, but I wouldn’t judge anyone who has. If you’ve never seen a restaurant worker eat before their shift picture a team of piranhas working on a cow, except with more silverware and fewer niceties. With complaints like, “Where’s my food, I screamed my order at you a minute ago… and, me me me me me me…” it’s amazing more of them aren’t killed annually (probably because it’s illegal, thanks Obama).So if you’re a waiter who’s expecting their first kid you can rest easy, the following six lessons from your time spinning trays are guaranteed to get you through the crucial first month of parenthood with ease. It doesn’t matter if your apps are dragging, the POS machine is down, or table twelve just found a human finger in the flan; you don’t panic. Because waiting tables taught me to keep a level head. And there are two reasons why: first, there’s only a tiny window in which that food can be consumed before the barbarians arrive, and second, there are precious few actual edible bits in a shift meal, and you got to fight for them. I’ve seen cooks throw shoe leather into a hotel pan of Salisbury steak to add mass. So all you can do is shove whatever they’re crying for into their mouths in the hopes it’ll shut them up.Matt Abraham currently lives in China with his criminally insane cat Durden, his beautiful one month old son Kal, and his supportive wife Jenny.For more, check out his critically acclaimed debut novel Dane Curse (available for 99 cents) or contact him at [email protected] danecursepi.I was terrified when I had my kid four weeks ago.
In the restaurant world, I have seen many co-workers date and break up (yes, even I have done it! Here are some reasons why dating a server in your restaurant usually doesn’t work: 1. Even if you try to keep the relationship on the down-low at work, social media will eventually expose it.
But whatever, tasting your food’s for pussies anyway. Then your freak flag’s flying so high I don’t think a glass of pinot will do much damage so go nuts. And you get to work and drink with them all night before waking up at noon in some strange place with no recollection of what you’ve done like a God damn werewolf. It’s hard to believe, but I guess if I still long for my waiting days, despite being bossed around by bald assholes who thinks they’re the center of my universe, I don’t see why I won’t miss parenting a newborn despite that very same thing happens here on a daily basis, too.
Alcohol’s your friend, ally, parent, therapist, and old war buddy poured into a convenient bottle. Thanks to the vampire hours most restaurant folk keep it was impossible for me to have friends who weren’t also in the industry, simply because my schedule guaranteed I’d never see them.
Don't assume her day was a scene out of a movie where all the characters are regulars and super nice to her and tip insanely well. Not only is she carrying around heavy things all day, it's also totally likely people have written her mean things on receipts.
Even if it's just someone writing in a zero on the tip portion, that's a dick move. Be prepared to hear about the most insane, hilarious work drama ever.
Granted, a lot of waitresses are also working on college degrees or trying to start a business or explore a passion of theirs and cannot freaking wait to stop waiting tables, but don't judge her either way. If you're tipping less than 15 percent to your server, you're basically the same as all the assholes who tip less than 15 percent to her.