8 simple rules for dating my ex wife
Ever wonder why some children with parents who have divorced fare better than others?Respecting these ten rules of post-divorce parenting can be a powerful contributing factor to your child's success after a divorce.Care enough about your children to guide them onto the path of success in life.Your children need you – your time, your attention, your understanding and your encouragement.They need you to be there for them; don't make them feel that in addition to everything they're going through, they need to be there for the adults in their life. There are numerous ways for former spouses to communicate. Some people who can't live together in love try to continue the relationship through hatred. If you feel that you were not given a choice about the divorce, ask yourself one question: "Would you really want to be in a committed relationship with someone who does not appreciate and value you?Make your calls to your lawyer or your friends to vent about your ex at a time and place where your children are not in earshot. Some people choose to speak on the phone, others send text messages or e-mails to one another. " Such exchanges communicate a strong message of insecurity and vulnerability to a child. " The sooner you accept that the relationship is over, the sooner you can let go of the need to suffer.When you put your energy into punishing or getting back at your former spouse, you are really only punishing yourself and your children. Some children are quite adept at playing one parent against the other. Share your expectations for your children regarding getting up, going to school, homework, chores, curfews, bedtime. The rules for your home may differ from those at your ex's home. Explain that you are interested in what is good for them, and that you are only doing this because you care. On the one hand, you want your children to be responsible and functional.
Ask your child if he or she would prefer to talk about those difficulties with an impartial adult, such as a therapist or an adult family friend.
Children have a hard time separating the words and facial expressions that are spoken to them, and the fact that they were not meant for them, especially if they were meant for someone else who that they love. Rather than interrogating your children about what your ex is up to, focus on what is going on in your house. If you are not sure what they should be under your particular circumstances, seek guidance from a someone who is a competent authority on child-rearing.
If you really want to "get even," let it be by moving on and having a good life in spite of the divorce. Don't be afraid that if you set boundaries your children will prefer to be at your ex's house. Here, we do things differently." If you are comfortable with the rules that you are setting, you increase the chances that your children will be, too.
They need the parent who is better at helping with homework as well as the one that makes the best spaghetti and meatballs. Being "unfaithful" to a parent can create tremendous feelings of guilt. Even if your spouse bad-mouths you, don't respond, don't retort. You might feel that if you do not "defend" yourself, your children will think less of you.
Asking your children to choose one parent over another, whether overtly or through subtle messages, can create anxiety and guilt. This can lead to hurt and anger in the child for having being asked to make that difficult choice. Refrain from speaking poorly of your ex to your children. In reality, it is the on-going fighting that will lead to an erosion of respect for you.
Communicate to your child that the divorce was not his or her fault.